poeticpunk

Are there times when you feel the world is not what it is? I kinda' feel that way a lot nowadays. I'm happy to hang around with my friends and believe me when i say that they're probably the only reason why i haven't given up on life, why i haven't begun praying for a higher power to rid the world of my existence. We have all the fun in the world a family can possibly experience but every second of every minute of every hour, there's this haunting feeling that my life is going no where. It's a feeling that's slowly manifesting itself, latching onto my soul like a leech on warm skin. The only difference is i haven't found a remedy and it's sucking me dry. I compare my current position to the Shepard's Tone; it seems to always variate but in fact it doesn't change at all. What i'm studying doesn't make sense and i watch the works of my friends with great interest, more so than my own. And my past still haunts me. I listen to songs everyday, wondering if there is any truth to the love and happiness woven into the lyrics they sing. I gaze at the stars these days more than i ever have in my entire life. They twinkle, they scintillate, they whisper almost inaudible poems and i hear them loud and clear. Ironic that something that died millions of years ago can hold so much more meaning than everything i've ever learnt. Making funny faces in the mirror, i ask myself if i'm headed where fate is supposed to be taking me. I consign myself to the fact that fate is the only thing ruling my life, not coincidence. If i'm where i am, then the gears of fate are already creaking away.

I prefer the dark to the light so much more these days.
It's cold but i'm alone in my solitude and i kinda' like it that way.
Perfect marriage of stars, silence and slow breathing.

My dog killed my sister's hamster today. I looked at her and all she did was lie on the floor, staring at the limp body of the breathless rodent. There was something calm about her, not a look of guilt or fear but an understanding. Somehow she knew i wouldn't scold her as she stared at me with those beady eyes, comprehending the mathematics of the universe. I'm sure some out there might be thinking "Christian's got a monster for a dog that kills hamsters". Thing is, she's a husky; meant for the ice lands of the north and south. Out there, her cousins kill more than just tiny rodents. Sometimes when i sit down and look at her, i feel like a monster and perhaps i should turn myself in to the authorities for torturing this magnificent beast, by keeping her cooped up in a small flat with no space to run, no space to gallop and prance around like she so deserves. 

Precisely why i love taking long walks of more than an hour with her. You can see her opening up, see her transform into the canine she truly is albeit the lousy surrounding of buildings and drains. I tell myself that when i migrate to the states in the near future, Ivory will be the first thing i bring with me; not my emotionless belongings that don't mean a thing to me. In essence, she's my dog. Not my brother's, not my sister's and less my parents'. Sure they also feed her, shower her, and clean up after her but none of them connect with her on the level that i do. They don't sit down by her side at 2.27am in the morning and put their mouths to her smooth ear and whisper delicate things they don't want the rest of the world to hear. They don't give her paw massages, neither do they walk her underneath the blanket of stars and tell her not to eat rats that run around at night. They don't scratch her forehead and nose and laugh quietly to themselves at the expression she makes with her eyes half closed and tongue hanging lazily out the side of her mouth. Heck, they don't even write entries about her.

What do you girls think of love letters? Perhaps delivered to you once or twice a week by the friend (would you prefer a guy or girl deliver the letter?) of an anonymous writer. That way you'll never find out who the secret admirer is until he chooses to reveal himself to you like say.. a month later? Each letter would differ from the previous, only "Yours, Stranger" would remain the same with every letter signed off that way. And inside every letter, he'd include a sentence maybe two before signing off. The sentence/s wouldn't necessarily have to be about you or about him, it could be as random as "What do you think of the weather today?". Hopefully that way you wouldn't think he's some perversed stalker but a cheeky dude who's trying to go all victorian romance on you.

So, what do you girls think of love letters?