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poeticpunk

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7/25/12 12:00 am

TO STRIVE
TO SEEK
TO FIND
AND NOT TO YIELD

2/8/10 12:22 am



I know a person or two who are more beautiful than they credit themselves for.

2/6/10 04:09 am - not making sense.



moonlight on my shoulder
brings out philosophy in me
when i stand by the waters
watching the blinking lights
the silence soothes me
people try to kill my dreams
they try to break me down
in the shadow of the world
i'm far away from the mess
only moonlight on my shoulder
 
 
 

2/4/10 11:59 pm - hold my hand.

Are there times when you feel the world is not what it is? I kinda' feel that way a lot nowadays. I'm happy to hang around with my friends and believe me when i say that they're probably the only reason why i haven't given up on life, why i haven't begun praying for a higher power to rid the world of my existence. We have all the fun in the world a family can possibly experience but every second of every minute of every hour, there's this haunting feeling that my life is going no where. It's a feeling that's slowly manifesting itself, latching onto my soul like a leech on warm skin. The only difference is i haven't found a remedy and it's sucking me dry. I compare my current position to the Shepard's Tone; it seems to always variate but in fact it doesn't change at all. What i'm studying doesn't make sense and i watch the works of my friends with great interest, more so than my own. And my past still haunts me. I listen to songs everyday, wondering if there is any truth to the love and happiness woven into the lyrics they sing. I gaze at the stars these days more than i ever have in my entire life. They twinkle, they scintillate, they whisper almost inaudible poems and i hear them loud and clear. Ironic that something that died millions of years ago can hold so much more meaning than everything i've ever learnt. Making funny faces in the mirror, i ask myself if i'm headed where fate is supposed to be taking me. I consign myself to the fact that fate is the only thing ruling my life, not coincidence. If i'm where i am, then the gears of fate are already creaking away.

I prefer the dark to the light so much more these days.
It's cold but i'm alone in my solitude and i kinda' like it that way.
Perfect marriage of stars, silence and slow breathing.

2/2/10 11:43 pm

Should i use my CNY clothes money to get meself a tattoo. 
I already know what i want to get.
Hehe.

2/1/10 02:31 am - me dog.

My dog killed my sister's hamster today. I looked at her and all she did was lie on the floor, staring at the limp body of the breathless rodent. There was something calm about her, not a look of guilt or fear but an understanding. Somehow she knew i wouldn't scold her as she stared at me with those beady eyes, comprehending the mathematics of the universe. I'm sure some out there might be thinking "Christian's got a monster for a dog that kills hamsters". Thing is, she's a husky; meant for the ice lands of the north and south. Out there, her cousins kill more than just tiny rodents. Sometimes when i sit down and look at her, i feel like a monster and perhaps i should turn myself in to the authorities for torturing this magnificent beast, by keeping her cooped up in a small flat with no space to run, no space to gallop and prance around like she so deserves. 

Precisely why i love taking long walks of more than an hour with her. You can see her opening up, see her transform into the canine she truly is albeit the lousy surrounding of buildings and drains. I tell myself that when i migrate to the states in the near future, Ivory will be the first thing i bring with me; not my emotionless belongings that don't mean a thing to me. In essence, she's my dog. Not my brother's, not my sister's and less my parents'. Sure they also feed her, shower her, and clean up after her but none of them connect with her on the level that i do. They don't sit down by her side at 2.27am in the morning and put their mouths to her smooth ear and whisper delicate things they don't want the rest of the world to hear. They don't give her paw massages, neither do they walk her underneath the blanket of stars and tell her not to eat rats that run around at night. They don't scratch her forehead and nose and laugh quietly to themselves at the expression she makes with her eyes half closed and tongue hanging lazily out the side of her mouth. Heck, they don't even write entries about her.

1/31/10 04:07 am - doesn't have to be in the dark though.

We are all better off alone.
(for you man)

1/30/10 11:57 pm - uh ah oh.

Are you happy?

1/27/10 01:56 am - you say you wander your own land.

I just walked Ivory, and i laughed. I breathed in the salty air on the shore, and i laughed. I felt the pull of magnet earth, and i laughed. I squinted my eyes at the dark blue horizon, and i laughed. I observed the lights of faraway lands that twinkled like their northern counterparts up above, and i laughed. I made funny noises with my slippers just because, and i laughed. I felt the chilly wind on my face, and i laughed. I stared at people who looked at my best friend, and i laughed. I sat at the edge of the jetty, and i laughed. I strained my neck to look at the planet's majesty, and i laughed. I lifted my head and took in the infinity that is the universe and all its mysteries, and i laughed. I shut my eyes as i looked at the moon, and i laughed. I spied the stars as my eyes flitted from one to another, and i laughed.


I thought of you, and i sighed.



 
 
 

1/26/10 12:21 am

If you have a minute why don't we go, talk about it somewhere only we know?
This could be the end of everything.

1/24/10 02:25 am - alternating love letters.

What do you girls think of love letters? Perhaps delivered to you once or twice a week by the friend (would you prefer a guy or girl deliver the letter?) of an anonymous writer. That way you'll never find out who the secret admirer is until he chooses to reveal himself to you like say.. a month later? Each letter would differ from the previous, only "Yours, Stranger" would remain the same with every letter signed off that way. And inside every letter, he'd include a sentence maybe two before signing off. The sentence/s wouldn't necessarily have to be about you or about him, it could be as random as "What do you think of the weather today?". Hopefully that way you wouldn't think he's some perversed stalker but a cheeky dude who's trying to go all victorian romance on you.

So, what do you girls think of love letters?

                                    

1/21/10 02:30 am

Life is one big deterrent. Preventing me from doing this, from chasing that.
Follow the heart or be led by the mind?
Argh.

1/17/10 11:22 pm

I don't know if it's called "skipping a beat" but my heart did something funny the moment i saw you.
Even if it was but a mere photograph.

1/14/10 02:14 am









I've always loved walking her in the wee hours of the morning.
We laugh a lot.

Gotta' run, she's slightly impatient once the door's opened.
 
 

1/13/10 01:06 am

While my friends were in the midst of a photo shoot just now, i decided to take the time to be alone. I've come to notice that without fail, i will look up at the night sky every day hoping to see the glittery mysteries from faraway. Sometimes i prefer to just be alone with the sounds of my surroundings but other times i feel the need of a musical companion. I sat by the fountain in school with my bare feet splashing, creating number eights in the luke warm water, breathing life into ripples that even though lived only momentarily, gave me a pleasurable satisfaction. I love the wind at night, she blows like her northern and southern cousins but with mercy, holding back so as not to freeze the land over. She prances around in my thick hair and my being rejoices at her touch. I wriggle my toes and feel the invisible currents weaving their way around. The view isn't exactly breathtaking but i delight at the sight of trees, they're wisdom and splendor for the time being, all mine. I can smell water and the distinct odor of wet grass. Everything is simply yet magnificent and no one can take any of it away from me. My senses merge to form one big understanding creature and i feel in a queer way, at one with the universe. Like a star looking down at the world.

Then the bond is broken and i return to civilization. 

1/8/10 01:13 am - dilly dally dilemma.

Should i take a brother's advice into serious consideration and just go for it, in the process ignoring the fact that a failed attempt would destroy pretty much everything or use as motivation that a possible success would bring me no greater happiness?

1/5/10 03:16 am - a few of my favourite things.

 



1/4/10 01:36 am - home.

I will never raise a child in Singapore. I don't want her to experience all the nonsensical bullshit that comes along with living in a country where you have to pay to park your car, where the government takes your hard earned money and never truly gives it back. I say 'her' because i want a daughter. I want to be able to bring her to huge parks where there are deers and squirrels running freely, to live in a perfectly adequate house with an attic for her room, just the two and even three of us. Perhaps it's because i've been such a loose cannon all my life that i want or rather need something in my life that i can truly be proud of, to really teach her how to be a lady, make sure she knows all her "please" and "thank you"s, to smile at all the old farts who ask her how old she is. But the thing is, i'll adopt her. My mum says i ought to be careful because i might adopt a daughter who goes all "The Orphan" or "Case 69" on me. But i'm afraid, what if i create a child that is handicapped or suffers from an incurable 1-in-a-million mental disorder? Would i still be able to give her the same unwavering love any other father would to a normal child. I wouldn't be able to live with myself for bringing such misfortune and pain into the world where he/she has to feel every ounce of agony and pain, watching the other children play normally while he/she cannot. I refuse to accept that in my future.

I don't even know why i think that way.
I think i'm just selfish.
I think i truly am.

1/2/10 03:12 am - colorblind?

To live a life in neutral is to not take sides, to not hate or love someone/something simply because another does the same. To never give in to peer pressure or the harshness of life when the going gets tough, to stand one's ground and stay rooted to the beliefs that one has chosen to set his/her life upon. To not choose friends but let the natural occurrence of life take its toll and from then on, see who chooses to stay and who chooses to leave; but to not despise those who have decided on the latter. To not be biased or jump to premature conclusions, to give everyone/everything a chance to grow onto you and you onto them. To love someone with every ounce of passion and loyalty you can possibly give and should it so happen that your gracious offering is not reciprocated, hate not because you should take pride in the knowledge that you have given everything to another and lost it and still stand strong. To let yourself change and not remain planted to the ground like a stubborn tree in gale force winds for change is good, for good is he who changes for the better. To take risks even if they sometimes endanger your life because at the end of the day if you weigh the pros and cons, the positive results of entering the unknown could be so incomprehensible, it changes your life forever. 

God i sound like a preacher.

1/1/10 08:10 pm

The forest trembles. Each tree whispers to its neighbour of the danger that approaches, not an animal can be seen nor heard. In the distance a tiny speck begins to descend from the hills and as the minutes fall, the strange object grows larger. Riding a horse as black as the infamous tar pits to the north, the being is swift and silent. The wind blows as if in one last desperate attempt to deter the evil that has decimated everything prior to the forest, then it dies. The moon is bright tonight, casting her moonbeams on every blade of grass and engulfing the hooded figure in an eerie, supernatural glow. Commanding the stallion, the pair quietly enter the forest. The grass muffles the sound of the black beauty's hooves as she walks where her master chooses, panting with each step but without complaint. Soon they reach a clearing where the trees have strangely parted, forming a perfect circle. Without so much as a sound, rider dismounts ride. The sound of water can be heard in the air, a soft but distinct ring resonating throughout the forest, dancing between the trees and unsettling the hidden beasts. A cool breeze blows across the open plain but this time embracing the stranger rather than showing hostility, a gracious welcome. One slightly stronger updraft catches between the hood and blows it back revealing crimson red hair with the fury of a thousand volcanoes that begin to billow in the air, the only color besides green. Her features are striking, a sharp nose and thin angled eyebrows above a pair of white eyes contrasted with pupils that mysteriously seem to contain a raging forest fire, as if one look and the unfortunate viewer would burst into flames. Her cheekbones are high and her pale skin scintillates under moonlight which has suddenly increased in brightness as if captivated by this timeless maiden clad in a grey cape that reaches her feet. 
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